


Find The Boy

by weaponizedsoul



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Gen, Light Angst, kiddos in blackwing, so i just totally made her character up and got it wrong, some of my rosencrantz and guildenstern feels bled into this whoops, wrote this when mona had only had one line
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2019-02-05 12:33:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12794661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weaponizedsoul/pseuds/weaponizedsoul
Summary: Going off of the idea that Dirk and Mona were friends in Blackwing. Riggins is trying another method of testing, so Dirk and Mona get to play some board games and be a little more like normal kids for once. It still kinda sucks though. The Blackwing Kiddos have a circuitous conversation and try to figure out how their Universe works.





	Find The Boy

“Is this person a… woman?”

“No.”

“So a man then?”

“...No?”

“What?”

Dirk looked up at Mona quizzically. As far as he could tell at least, “Guess Who?” only had men and women.

“It’s a boy,” Mona said.

Dirk looked back at the contraption in front of him. He wasn’t sure any of the people in the drawings could be described as “a boy”, but it was hard to tell in the dim lighting of Blackwing.

“Does the boy wear glasses?” Dirk asked.

“No.”

Dirk flipped over the cards that had people wearing glasses. _Click, click, click, click._

“Does the boy have blue eyes?”

“No.”

_Click, click, click._

“Does the boy have long hair?”

“No.”

_Click, click._

Dirk sighed.

“We could play another game,” Mona suggested.

Dirk glanced at the corner where the rest of the boxes they’d been given were stacked up. Clue, Battleship, Pictionary.

“It wouldn’t help,” Dirk said. “They’re all guessing games anyway. Is the boy wearing a suit?”

“No.” Mona crossed her arms and looked thoughtful. “We could play a game they _didn’t_ give us.”

Dirk sat up straighter.

“Like what?” he asked.

“Well, well…” Mona said excitedly, then trailed off and frowned. “The only one I know is 20 Questions.”

Dirk stared at her uncomprehendingly.

“It’s a guessing game,” she explained. “One person thinks of something, and the other person asks questions like ‘is it an animal, vegetable, or mineral’ and ‘is it bigger than a breadbox’ and they try to figure out what the other person is thinking of.”

“But what if it isn’t an animal, vegetable, or mineral?” Dirk asked. “What if it’s, I don’t know, the number three?”

Mona opened her mouth to answer, then closed it again and thought for a while before saying, “I guess they say it’s a number? It doesn’t matter if we’re not playing.”

“No, we can play,” Dirk said quickly. “Only this time _I’ll_ think of something and _you_ can guess what it is.”

Dirk had a good feeling about this. He’d picked something that would be _impossible_ to guess. His luck was finally going to turn.

“Okay, um, is it bigger than a breadbox?” Mona asked.

“No, it isn’t,” Dirk answered, grinning.

“Is it smaller than a breadbox?” Mona asked.

“Nope!” Dirk answered.

Mona thought for a second, then crossed her arms, well, crossly.

“Is it a breadbox?” she asked.

“Yes,” Dirk said flatly, then uncrossed his legs and flomped sideways onto the cement floor. “You see? It doesn’t work.”

“What doesn’t?”

“I’m a detective. I’m _supposed_ to be good at finding things,” Dirk said plaintively. “And everyone says I have some sort of special, magic finding-things power, but it doesn’t _work_ in here.”

Mona reached across the game of “Guess Who?” and patted Dirk’s foot awkwardly.

“Well,” she said, “well, it’s still pretty weird, right? If you’re just guessing random things, you should be right _sometimes_ , unless the game is rigged. Maybe it _is_ rigged, by… the universe… or something.”

She paused, giving Dirk space to say something. When he didn’t, she continued.

“Like, say we had a coin. We could test it if we had a coin.”

Dirk lifted his head up a little, interested in spite of himself.

“How?”

“Well,” Mona explained, “a coin has the same chance of landing on heads as it does of landing on tails, right?”

Dirk shrugged.

“So if _I_ flipped a coin,” Mona continued, pointing at herself, “and _you_ tried to guess what it would land on, and you guessed heads every time, you would get it right half the time, right? But if _I_ flipped a coin, and _you_ guessed heads every time, and it landed on tails _every time_ , then we’d _know_ something weird was going on. It wouldn’t be magic finding-things powers, but it would be _something_.”

Dirk thought about it. The idea sounded too much like the tests Blackwing gave him to be entirely comfortable.

“But we haven’t got a coin,” he pointed out.

Mona sighed. They were silent for a while. Then, for the lack of anything else to do, Dirk made a suggestion.

“If we had that game, the one with the red and blue circles…”

“Twister?”

“No. It’s like checkers, but more up-and-downy?”

“Connect Four?”

“Yes that’s it. If we had Connect Four, we could take one of the circles and draw something on one side of it, and we could use that as a coin.”

“That’s a really good idea, Dirk,” Mona said. “...But we don’t have Connect Four.”

They thought about that for a few seconds, but neither of them got anywhere.

“Let’s keep playing ‘Guess Who?’” Mona said. “At least in that one getting something wrong still gets you closer to winning.”

Dirk sat up again and looked at the three cards left standing. This time, he decided, he would ask a question that he couldn’t possibly get wrong.

“Does the boy have blond hair?” he asked.

“No,” Mona said.

_Click, click, click,_ and all the cards were down.

“I don’t think we’re playing this right,” Dirk said.


End file.
